Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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