You're a womanizer and a bitch.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
