and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
