So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
