I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
