Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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