My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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