Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
