..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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