The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
