I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
