It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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