Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
