wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I could make wine with my vomit
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
