hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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