When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
