Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
