We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
