just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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