HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
