An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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