The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You are a genius and a whore.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
