I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
