My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
