Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
