Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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