I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
