Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
