google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
