i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
