I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
