the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
There's even glitter on my cock...
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