can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish you could order shots online.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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