do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
