I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize