Small penises have feelings too.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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