i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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