I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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