I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
