how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
