Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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