It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
