how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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