you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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