I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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