dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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