You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
