TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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