Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
