I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
