You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
