some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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