Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
