Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
