P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
