does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
