11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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