We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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