come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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