people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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