I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
