If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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