Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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