You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
