if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
