I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
