my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
