walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I want is dick and wine.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
