physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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