My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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