we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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