careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Randomize
