The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
