Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
