We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
